Are You Secretly an “Ass Face”?

Why Your Shower Habits Might Be Betraying You

Let’s get right to it: Are you using one bar of soap for everything? Your face, your armpits, your butt—ONE soap ruling them all?

If so, congratulations—you might be scrubbing yesterday’s ass right onto today’s fresh face.

The Shocking Dirty Truth About Your Soap

Look, I get it. Soap seems innocent. It smells nice. It lathers up. But here’s the thing—it remembers. It remembers every crevice it has explored, every dark alleyway of human anatomy it has been forced to endure. And guess what? Tomorrow, it’s coming right back for round two, straight to your unsuspecting forehead.

If you live with others and share that soap, let’s just acknowledge that what you’re really doing is engaging in a long-distance butt-to-face relay. Have fun with that knowledge.

Your Way Out: A Two-Soap System

Lucky for you, there’s an easy fix:

Option A: Keep living recklessly, smearing your own and possibly your family’s rear ends all over your face.

Option B: Buy a second soap—one exclusively for your face, free of butt-related trauma.

Option C: Stop washing your face entirely and embrace life as a grease-covered cryptid.

I think we both know which option doesn’t make people edge away from you in public.

The Mental Picture You’ll Never Escape

Next time you grab your soap, pause. Close your eyes. Think about where that bar has been. Picture it wedged in someone’s most unmentionable regions, like a brave explorer navigating the world’s least desirable landscapes. Now picture that same soap lovingly caressing your nose and lips.

If you ignore this informational advice, then "Congratulations"! You are most likely an ass face!

Sweet dreams.